In real life I spend my time as a fundraiser for not-for-profit organizations, primarily those focused on children and animals and which have foreign operations. What this means is that I spend a significant part of most days crafting emotional dun letters that are sent by the tens of thousands to little old ladies on fixed incomes. My job is to convince them that sending a check to me will bring special meaning to their life, even if it also means they will have to survive the winter on Purina Cat Chow.
Dear Ethel Wilmont:
I know you are a busy person. I also know that well-meaning organizations are constantly appealing to you for help. This is because they know of the deep and abiding love you have in your heart for the beautiful creatures with which we share our planet. Naturally, you have had to get good at saying "no" when you open the many letters that fill your mailbox.
But please, don't put this letter aside! If I can't appeal to you in times of desperate need, who can I turn to? You are the animals' only hope. Without your generous support, millions of innocent cows and chickens will die cruel, excruciatingly painful deaths. They will whimper and cry, moo and chirp, and bleed all over the place. It will be frickin' awful.
YOU are the only person who stands between the little animals -- many of them just furry babies -- and the dastardly killers in black hoods with knives and guns who want to slaughter them and turn them into burgers and nuggets. YOU are my only hope to save them. So please, PLEASE, send me all of your money, today!
So, I took it in stride the other day when, POOF!, a fundraising appeal appeared on my computer screen. It was from Gayle Farmer. Gayle lives way down a dirt road somewhere in Kansas. He's the good old boy in the bib overalls who plants, cultivates and harvests the tornados that attack the American hinterlands each spring.
No, I only jest. Gayle is the Media and Communications Manager for the Professional Darts Council (PDC). She not only does a tremendous job for the PDC and the sport of darts; she's determined to help make the world a better place for kids.
Gayle got me an interview with Phil Taylor at the 2002 Las Vegas Desert Classic. Back then Taylor was the Champion of the World. Not any more! Ha. Ha. "Cheers" to John Part!
Anyway, I owe Gayle a favor. But that's NOT why I immediately responded to her message by sending a donation. That's not why I decided to appeal on her behalf, via the words you're reading at this very moment, to everybody who follows the drivel I publish in Dartoid's World. All six of you.
I am writing this because what Gayle is doing is a good thing. When darts people do good things for others it's only right that other darts people should lend a hand. So...
Dear Other Darts People:
I know you are busy. I also know that well-meaning organizations are constantly appealing to you for help. Well, screw 'em!
I know someone who REALLY deserves your help. Her name is Gayle Farmer. Gayle is in training to run the London Marathon in order to raise funds for a superb charity called Childline. In Gayle's words, and I paraphrase, "... to assist distressed, abused and needy children... I have been inspired to run 26.2 painful, agonizing and hideous miles 'round the streets of London."
Believe me, Gayle is right. London IS a bloody hideous place. I've read the Harry Potter series and I know. Blimey, there are witches and wizards all over the joint. They're castin' spells and mixin' potions and turning common everyday blokes into giant cucumber sandwiches.
I've checked out Childline and they are an upstanding charity. They exist to achieve a simple mission: to ensure that "no child shall have to suffer abuse, be terrified to go to school, or live in fear." They operate a special toll-free hotline that kids can call to receive counseling. Each year tens of thousands of children receive assistance.
I've also checked out Childline's 2002 audited financial statement and can assure you that the vast majority of the funds they raise go for the intended purpose. Childline's administrative, fundraising and marketing costs are lower than many well-known U.S. based charities.
All you have to do is go to www.justgiving.com/runninggayle, and click on the "donation" tab next to the EXTREMELY PROVOCATIVE photograph at the top of the page. It's a little blurry but I think it's a shot of Tommy Cox.
Please, donate now!
Oh, one last thing. While I still have to work out the details with Gayle, I am pretty sure I can arrange for a very special token of appreciation for any darter who finds it in their heart to contribute. I'm going to suggest she send you a stack of coupons good for money-saving discounts on cat food.
Helping Gayle help kids is easy...
From the Field,